Talking to Children About Feelings

A child borrows calm long before they understand advice. Take one slow breath before you respond to a crisis, even a small one. Your body is the first thing they read.

You do not need to fix the feeling. Very often the request underneath the behaviour is simply: stay with me while this is hard.

“You seem really disappointed” is more useful to a child than “Don't worry about it”. Naming gives the emotion a shape outside the body, which makes it feel less overwhelming.

Offer a few options if they are unsure: “Is it frustrated, or more like left out?” They will often correct you, and the correction itself is the conversation.

Children talk sideways: in the car, while cooking, at bedtime, and rarely in a scheduled conversation. Stay available in the ordinary moments.

Be careful with overreacting. A child who learns that one feeling gets a big reaction will quietly close the door on that feeling.

When something serious emerges, thank them for telling you, say plainly that you will get the right help, and keep the next conversation small.

Changes in sleep and appetite, withdrawal, a drop in school performance, or a persistent change in mood that lasts more than a few weeks are worth a conversation with a professional.

In a family session or a child assessment, the goal is not to interrogate the child but to understand the system around them: routines, relationships, and what has recently changed.